She's Actually a General

And I bet she would pre-order

Dear Friends —

Let’s see. Where were we? Ahh yes. Immunotherapy nearly demolished me and I may have gotten a bit of a win out of it all and we still have some pesky activity in my lungs to sort out. And I’ve written a book! How is everyone else’s fall going? I’d love to know.

As for my autumn, the main question is simply this: what to do next about the itty bitties. From my last post, you might remember that we have a classic glass half full/half empty moment on our hands. The good news is that the number of itty bitties appears to have stayed the same. Harder news is that they are growing, and growing enough that we ought to acknowledge that a handful are now mini whoppers.

I know. It’s lousy and this is why we are all quite brave. These days — these especially fragile days — are all about facing facts. And even though some of my facts are a bit dicey, they pale in comparison to the most miraculous fact of all: by reading this post, you’ve chosen to be connected to my story. In doing so, my medical facts have become something more. They are now contours within a chapter of a grand novel, the kind of twists that cause you to put down your book, inhale, and wonder, wherever this story is going, I’m here for it.

So what to do about mini whoppers? After all kinds of consults and smart conversations with my medical team, we’ve decided to call in a character from a few chapters ago. That’s right. Princess Leia is back. She took a look at my scan and declared that my mini whoppers are no match for her laser beams, so in a matter a days I’ll spend several days with her Leia lieutenants, holding my breath like a champ, and marveling at the wonders of medicine.

Can I radiate myself out of this mess? I doubt it. But we like the idea of fewer of these mets in play — it opens up more time while I’m on a maintenance chemo to search for another trial, and it could pivot me back to a stable time.

All of this got me thinking about Leia.

Like most moms and sons, Connor and I were chitchatting about Leia not too long ago, and he reminded me that in the final Star Wars film installments, she was actually a general — General Skywalker Organa Solo to be precise.

“But when did she did join the military?” I asked him.

“Not sure,” he said. “Most likely during the years between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens. It was a tough time. The Empire was getting organized again and The Resistance was losing ground. So yeah, she’s a general.” He also directed me to Leia’s Wookipedia page for additional nuance about those interstitial years.

This is the part of the post where we all ought to take a beat and celebrate the sheer fabulousness of living in a world alongside someone who creates Wookipedia pages.

Anyhow, apparently those years when Leia was married to Harrison Ford and raising her handsome son and trying to keep fascism at bay, she must have decided it made sense to become a proper general. I imagine she enrolled in some intergalactic military academy and her classmates worked hard to treat her like everybody else.

But if you’re born a princess, then become a senator, why bother becoming a general?

Perhaps like me, Leia knew her story could very well have dramatic turns, and there could someday be a mini whopper or two that would need addressing. Maybe she had a hunch she’d need to show up for her final act ready for it all — tragedy and triumph, and I imagine a certain amount of tedium for good measure.

Perhaps like me, she knew there was nothing she could do about the circumstances of the days she was born into, and the hard turns that came without warning. But in it all, she could steadily choose courage for each chapter. And with all that courage, she could help shape the story itself, becoming ever more of who she was born to be — a general. The person whose main job is to be the CEO of Brave.

I’ll admit I haven’t read the entire Wookipedia entry, but my guess is that General Leia Skywalker Organa Solo had all kinds of days when she was panicked with fear. Of course she did. I mean, have you seen the movies? How on earth did she ever get a restful night’s sleep.

I suspect her character’s courage didn’t erase the terror. But it did help her better understand it. Her courage helped her discern she was a part of a story bigger than her own character, and therefore she had the chance to put new chapters in motion that would outlast her own.

Each of us inhabits stories that require bravery, and we all have unique ways to shape our courage into something beneficial. Some of us become generals, others make Wookipedia pages. I decided to write about these days, knowing that these interstitial — and oftentimes too precarious — days might offer vantage points that could be valuable to others.

The Brave In-Between covers the last decade of my life, and weaves in as much about what I’ve learned from the surprising collapse of my marriage as I have from the surprise of this illness. A third act reveals personal surprises and stumbles I’ve discovered facing all these unfaceable facts.

It will be published by Hachette on June 4th.

I know what you’re thinking. It will be a beach read! Ha. Guess what. It will be. Here’s why. When I’m lucky to spend a day at the beach I hold two truths together: the ironclad reliability of the waves, and the expansive mystery of the horizon. The waves are reminders of hope; they muscle up, again and again. The horizon — visible but seemingly a world a way — teaches us that there’s more to our stories than we can ever grasp.

Actually you weren’t thinking about the beach at all. What you were really thinking is HOW DO I PRE-ORDER THIS BOOK. Oh how lovely to ask! It’s so easy. And it’s so important! The book originated from this blog, so we’re all on this adventure together people. The good folks at Hachette have created this smart page, where you can pre-order your way to glory. Have at it.

Pre-order here

Hopefully you all will read it and think wherever this story is going, I’m here for it.

I believe you will. I know this because you’ve been steadily here for me and this wallop of a story, all this time.

A new chapter is about to begin.

May the force be with us all.

xoxo

p.s. Honestly I think General Leia Skywalker Organa Solo would pre-order. Let’s follow her example, shall we?