Dear Friends --
Well you are a creative bunch. My sweet request to come up with a name for the new chemo cocktail resulted in such a gorgeous array of ideas. Sunbeam! Furlough! Furry! And so many others. Thanks for thinking of me in your most inspired moments, which is, of course, such a generous time to be pondered over.
The winner of our "give Folfiri a name that we can all live with and might provide good inspiration for the trek ahead" is ... Moxie. I know! Isn't it perfect? Moxie comes our way all the way from Minnesota, where dear college friends have absolutely the most inspired daughters, who I think came up with this in like less than 10 minutes. There's a creative agency that needs to hire these ladies, stat. Until then, I'm the proud owner of a snappy new chemo drug name, AND a sweet little visual as an added door prize.
Googling "moxie" delivers all kinds of tremendous definitions, but this one is my favorite: "the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage."
And that's exactly what I'll do starting this Wednesday, when Ms Moxie and I will get to know each other for the first round. Like her big sister, Foxy, I'll spend a few hours on Wednesday at an infusion center, and then will take Moxie home in my sassy bag and let her do her thing until Friday morning.
I'm hoping like last time that naps come easily, and the other troublesome side effects don't prove to be too terrible.
But who's to know what I'll discover on this leg of the climb? I'm bracing for all kinds of things, knowing that the constant with this story is surprise -- from discovering the jubilation that comes with a boring scan, to falling in love with new friends I've never actually met who are trekking up similar mountains, to my newfound awe of medicine and chemistry, to the crush and shock of setbacks, to finding out that there are board meetings about tumors, to the pure delight of Moxie arriving all the way from Minnesota.
The astonishing and unexpected is now my normal, which probably sounds a tad unsettling. And honestly, many days it is (note: "unsettling" is cancer blogspeak for "horrible"). But most days, the astonishing gives way to wonder, which bridges ever so carefully and elegantly to gratitude.
Those days when surprise is coupled with gratitude are, I think we'd all agree, the very best days of all.
This past weekend I had one of those days. I went skiing with a friend as a way to get in one more dash of mountain air, and spectacular views, and feeling well before the Moxie days begin. We took a lift to the summit, and as we scooted off the chair lift, it felt as if we could touch the clouds, and even the sky if we stretched just far enough. A little sign greeted us there on top of the world: "Advanced only."
For anyone who's ever skied with me, this is the part of the story where you're likely a tad panicked. I was too for a hot second. But then all kinds of signs pointed to intermediate runs -- runs full of magical trails within the woods, and some dicey moguls and ice too. But mainly the route from the Sierra summit to the base was one surprising turn after another, with new and breathtaking views, and enough risk to help me improve my choppy skiing just the tiniest bit.
The name of that run should have been Moxie.
But no matter. An even more important trail with the perfect name now calls my name. One I'll face with spirit and courage. And with your generous and inspired love for each and every step.
May all of our trails in the weeks ahead have as much surprise -- and Moxie -- as possible.
xoxo