Yet Another Twist
From February 20, 2020
Hi Friends --
Many of you might remember that Game Day for the Itty Bitty was slated for tomorrow, but, alas, another twist has met me on my mountain.
The Esteemed and Most Decorated Dr S ordered a scan earlier this week to double check nothing else was active in my lung, and just last night I learned that, in fact, there was new activity in my lung. There are all kinds of technical terms for this, but for now we can simply note that the Itty Bitty now has new friends -- the Teeny Tinies. And it just doesn't make any sense to get the Itty Bitty out when it has Teeny Tinies as company.
So the new plan is to pick back up on chemo in order for it to do its good systemic work on all that activity. Dr C has ordered up the final three rounds of Foxy to commence next week, which did an admirable job of keeping these sparklers in my lung at bay last fall. I'm also in touch with another colon cancer specialist to get his take on the merits of sticking with Foxy for now, or perhaps trying a new cocktail.
Did we all know oncologists get together regularly for something called a tumor board? I didn't. Apparently it's a thing. I have to imagine it's your basic board meeting where someone calls for a quorum, and smart people vote on items after getting a motion and second settled. But instead of getting reports from the finance and program committees, you discuss fascinating patients and their Itty Bitties and all the various pathways to progress.
I mention this because as we enter this new phase of the mountain, I'll be working to assemble my own personal tumor board. I'm fortunate to already have a slightly expanding circle of experts, plus access to perhaps more. There will likely be all kinds of moments where second opinions, deep dive insights, and experts who are closer to the front lines of cutting edge research will augment the already strong circle of care I'm so very privileged to have. Plus who doesn't want to create an agenda for their own personal tumor board meeting.
For now, I'll admit this is a steep and hard turn up my mountain. And the last 24 hours have been a swirl of terrible fear and grief. But somehow -- and this part is a miracle -- the fear is forever outpaced by the devotion you all bring to me on this climb, at exactly the right time.
This devotion is love.
Scripture tell us that there is no fear in love -- I've known that most of my life. But now I've experienced it. My steps are now guided by the most remarkable courage, fueled by your love.
I plan to make this the top agenda item for my first personal tumor board meeting. It may take me a solid weekend retreat to help them all understand the miracles that come when fear is cast out by love, and then and only then we'll turn our attention to the Itty Bitty.
Do let me know if anyone would like to come attend as a guest speaker.